In the personal growth world, it’s common to hear people talking about how badly they want to change. They have the desire to change their relationships, their careers, and pursue their passions instead of just doing what they “should do.” However, one thing I’ve noticed coming up again and again is how important the discrepancy is between “change” and “transformation.” If you’re looking to make a big shift in your life as a whole, you’re actually looking for transformation.
Change can be a small thing. Change most likely won’t get the results many people are looking for. Transformation, unlike change, cannot be small. It cannot be just be restricted to something like working out for an hour a day, or a makeover. For example, if you repaint your kitchen and buy new hand towels, new curtains and new art for the walls, you are making changes to your kitchen. When you demolish it, pulling out the counters, the appliances, the cabinetry, and then you replace it all, you are transforming your kitchen. Transformation is deep, and intense.
Transformation is a commitment. It requires a conscious decision and then a constant renewal of that decision. Some days are easier than others. On those hard days, you need to remember why you’re choosing this path. Keeping the long term goal in mind is essential, because something else transformation is, is challenging. On a deep, soul level, transformation requires us to keep digging. To stay open. To keep defensiveness and victim mentality at bay. This is a path for the determined.
Transformation doesn’t allow any stone to remain unturned. Perhaps you have an addiction that you know needs to be addressed. But as you face that addiction, what if you realize your long standing pattern of dysfunctional relationships? Are you ready to face that as well? Imagine how odd it would be if you gutted your whole kitchen to transform it, and insisted on keeping the old, worn out, stained sink to put back in amongst all the new items. It’s amazing how, as you start working on unhealthy patterns here and there, other things you weren’t even aware of will suddenly come out of the woodwork. Those things will also need your attention. This is a good sign! If you are doing deep self work, sudden awareness of other things that need to be transformed is a sign that you are on the right path. Not everything can (or even should) be confronted at once, but that awareness shows you that your mindset is shifting towards a healthier one, and that the thought patterns of dysfunction are starting to break up.
People usually know on some level when they need to transform. Perhaps they’ve been diagnosed with a serious illness, or their marriage is in crisis, or they are filing for bankruptcy. Any extreme circumstance like this is a call to examine your life, your choices, your self talk, and your habits. I say this from personal experience. It was my own failing health, deep lack of fulfillment and problems in relationships that led me down my own path of transformation. I had been on a path of self improvement and self discovery for years before I reached my breaking point. If you’re someone who says, or even feels, “I can’t do this anymore,” then a transformation is calling you.
Transformation is spiritual. The divine is the ultimate agent of transformation that we can call on to help us. There is a good reason why God is mentioned so heavily in twelve step programs, because it is extremely difficult to do things at transformation scale without someone bigger than us to help carry us through when we are just too tired.
Transformation is not something you can do alone. In addition to the help we can receive from the spiritual realm, it is important to have a person (or ideally, multiple people) who can walk alongside you. Trusted coaches, therapists, friends, partners, and people who currently live in the state you wish to live in are all great resources.
Finally, the commitment to transformation means that you believe and acknowledge that you are worth the time, energy, money, and focus that transformation requires. It means that excuses will be pushed aside, distractions will be minimized, and that you are ready to face your demons. For all the hard work it entails, transformation is also a gift that keeps on giving. When you glimpse the light at the end of the tunnel, it adds fuel to your fire. Your resolve is renewed. You might wonder why it took you so long to finally take that bold step into the unknown. Waiting on the other side of transformation is hope, and the realization of your own potential. You hold the power in your own hands.
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